yesterday’s glorious E3 trailer showcased three brand new characters to the Nintendo fighting franchise. Mega Man and Animal Crossing Villager were the two predictable but still great entries, while the Wii Fit trainer was a brilliantly mental surprise.
But we can assume that the surprises won’t stop there, so here are ten characters that I think should join the line up. Quick word before we start; I know this has been done to death, but it’s my blog so screw you.
Oh, and if there happens to be a third party character in here, it’s because they are associated with Nintendo in some way (That’s how Smash Bros. works). If you were expecting to see Master Chief or the guy on the front of Pringle tubes, you are gonna be disappointed.
Also, one character per franchise. I only include this rule for myself, otherwise I would end up putting in ten Zelda characters.
Ridley (Metroid series)
For the past three generations of Smash Bros. games, Samus Aran has been the only character to represent her series. Fair enough, the whole point of Metroid is isolation but that reptilian bastard Ridley is probably one of the most popular bosses in Nintendo history.
They may have to scale down his size a little, but he could be a great flying/heavy character using his tail and flames for some badass long ranged attacks, while his claws get shit done up close.
His Final Smash could be turning into Meta Ridley in a Giga Bowser/Ganon style where he’s afforded a small window of time to destroy every living thing on screen.
Young Link (The Legend of Zelda series)
I know he was in Melee and was exactly the same as Link so just hold up a sec. I’m talking Link from Majora’s Mask. Similar to the Pokemon Trainer, a certain move could turn him into Goron, Deku, and Zora link, all with their own attacks.
Of course the Final Smash would have to be Fierce Deity Link. Come to FUCK SHIT UP.
Raichu (Pokemon series)
Screw Pikachu. Yeah, he’s the mascot of Pokemon and the famous face that everyone loves, but Raichu is so much more. You just know he’s a tough guy, plus he’s cuter than Pikachu and that tail could be used for some cool attacks.
His Final Smash? A shit load of electricity rains down from the sky and destroys everyone in it’s path.
Tom Nook (Animal Crossing series)
We all saw the trailer. That terrifying glint of murder in the villager’s eyes. Such an agent of chaos needs a counterpart to keep it in check. The Ying to his Yang, the light to his dark.
Tom Nook could fulfill that purpose. I’m not entirely sure what his moveset would be, besides throwing bags of money and maybe setting his twin nephews on everyone, but he’d be a laugh to play as.
His Final Smash would probably involve him dropping a house on someone, I imagine.
I was unsure about this at first, but if the Wii Fit trainer is in it, I am certain that the Mii is gonna put in an appearance now.
He/she will likely use all manner of Wii Sports items like golf clubs and bowling balls to attack.
Their Final Smash could be a horde of thousands of miis, swarming the screen like locusts and laying waste to the stage.
Leon S. Kennedy (Resident Evil series)
Not really a Nintendo character, but he did star in Resident Evil 4 which was one of the best games to ever grace a Nintendo console, so that’s close enough in my book.
He’d play similar to Snake did in Brawl, except less stealthy and maybe more hand to hand, using a knife. Or he could just pistol whip everyone. That’d work.
Maybe his Final Smash could include some heavy artillery? Possibly a rocket launcher that homed in on whoever was in the lead.
Toad (Super Mario series)
If nothing else, poor old Toad should finally get a spot on the roster on the grounds that he’s been used as Princess Peach’s bitch in the last two games. Nothing more than a human shield, a cruel mockery of the proud Toad name.
He’d be a zippy little fella with fairly light melee attacks and possibly the ability to lob poison shrooms at foes.
His Final Smash would involve him consuming a mega mushroom and crushing his enemies into the dirt.
Tetris Block (Tetris series)
I have absolutely no helpful suggestions or hints as to how it could possibly work as a character. I just know I want to see it happen. Maybe it could just ram into enemies at full speed and for a Final Smash cover the screen in Tetris blocks (Tetri?).
Can you tell I’m regretting my one character per franchise rule yet?
Slippy Toad (Starfox series)
I hate this guy. You hate this guy. Fox McCloud hates this guy. The only reason I want him as a character is so I can beat him remorselessly and without end. Even his Final Smash should just be him lying down and letting everyone stomp on him.
On the other hand, he could just replace Sandbag as an item and we can have Sandbag as a character…
Master Hand (Smash Bros. series)
Because if you tell me you don’t want to play as a giant laser shooting hand, you are a liar sir. It’s about time we finally got to play as the main bad guy of the series (The glitch in Melee doesn’t count).
We know he has a rounded move set, and having four of them on the screen at any one time would be chaos. They’d need to figure out how he could use items but I’m already sold on the idea.
For his Final Smash, he could call up his old buddy, Crazy Hand for twice the er… craziness.
Agree? Disagree? Tell me what an ignorant idiot I am in true Internet Comment fashion.