Well, Nintendo could have prepared a half hour presentation showing us a guided tour of a homeless man’s prolapsed anus and they still would have looked better than Microsoft.
What Nintendo needed to do, was to show us that the Wii U is worth buying. They needed to show us some grade A, top banana, cream of the crop games. Did they? Let’s take a look.
Mario Kart 8
Check. This game looks absolutely fantastic in HD. Add in the fact that bikes from Mario Kart wii are back, as are the air gliders and submarine sections from Mario Kart 7 and we have a winner. The fact we have some mad as shit anti grav tracks and presumably smooth as anything online play won’t hurt this game either.
MEH. When I heard Retro Studios were working on a new game for Nintendo, I wanted Metroid Prime 4. HD METROID. Who the hell cares about some dull ape that made a name for himself by throwing barrels at an Italian? Not me, that’s for sure. I highly doubt I’m the only one that felt shortchanged by this news.
The Wind Waker HD
Right in the childhood. Nintendo shamelessly emotionally blackmail their fans into buying a Wii U for this updated gem. Improved sailing mechanics and an updated feature that connects to the Miiverse already show us this game is more than just a new lick of paint. Now we just need those dungeons that were cut from the original put back in and an orchestral soundtrack. Make it happen, big N.
Mario 3D World
The question we were all asking when we heard about a new 3D Mario was “where can they go after Galaxy 1 and 2?”. To ripping off one of their handheld entries it turns out. Slightly underwhelming, this one. I suppose Mario 3D land was a great game, and the cat suit and four player mode certainly does look interesting. Sadly, this just doesn’t wow me in the same way that Galaxy did.
Super Smash Bros Wii U and 3DS
Awwwwwwwwyeah. That’s what we wanted to see. Nintendo possibly pulled off the biggest troll of E3 (unless Microsoft is having us all on) by opening up the trailer as if it was an Animal Crossing game, only to reveal that the villager will be a playable character.
The 3DS version looks decent enough, although I’m not sold on those cel shaded graphics yet. The Wii U version however, looks amazing. We’ve got most of the same characters back, Link, Mario, Samus etc along with some groovy new stages and some guy called Mega Man? Whoever he is.
Third Party Goodness
From Rayman to Batman, the Wii U is loaded up with content (something it was sorely lacking) and plenty of reasons for us to choose Nintendo over Microsoft or Sony. Whether or not you do, is entirely your choice. Just remember which console has crazy plumbers driving anti grav go karts though, okay?
E3 is a joyous time of year. But like Christmas, or New Year’s Eve, it’s a time that comes burdened with a considerable amount of expectation, inevitable disappointment and drunk uncles that fall asleep on the sofa after Doctor Who is finished. Maybe not that last one, actually (although I’ve never been to E3, so who knows?).
The point I’m trying to make is that more often than not, people come away a little disappointed when they’re expecting to see every single game that they’ve heard a rumour for. Of course, when they don’t see that trailer for Halo 5, or that screenshot of Mario 128, or any sign of an Xbox One game, they feel cheated.
Of course, usually we hear announcements that more than make up for any let downs. The first ever trailer for Twilight Princess, demos of Mario Galaxy… top shelf Nintendo magic right there.
However, this year Nintendo have something to prove. Not for the 3DS mind, that machine is currently going from strength to strength. What we need, what Nintendo fanboys all over the globe are chomping at the bloody bit for, are more than just a handful of great games for the Wii U.
We know we’re getting demos/glimpses of Smash Bros WiiU, a new 3D Mario, Mario Kart, Pikmin 3 and Wind Waker Wii U. This alone would make it a great year to be a Nintendo fan and those games are certainly the reason I’m wasting a chunk of my student loan in September to finally pick up a Wii U.
But this year Nintendo need to absolutely destroy the competition and drown us in a sea of major releases. If nothing else, I want to see Microsoft look even dumber than they already do.
It’s about time we got a look at a properly, brand new HD Zelda Wii U. I am more than happy to replay my favorite Zelda game remade in HD while I wait for the real thing, but I need something. That glorious Nintendo tech demo has invaded my dreams at night man. Gimme something more!
Mario Bros 4. None of this New Super Mario Bros bollocks, give me a gorgeous, HD side scrolling Mario game completely driven by original ideas and packed with secrets. Also, get rid of the god awful NSMB music. Seriously. Just stop.
I’m dreaming pretty big here and with so many big titles already being shown it is unlikely that we’ll get many more surprises, if any. But Nintendo clearly has something up it’s sleeve for this years event.
Lest you think me greedy, we part ways with one final, plaintive request; We know Retro Studios has been working on something. Please, by the power of Grey Skull, let it be Metroid Prime 4. The Prime trilogy was the dogs bollocks of first person shooters, fuck your Halo you bloody ponces. Other M was a great game, but I need to be able to shoot that scaly bastard Ridley in the face in glorious, first person HD.