Tag Archives: Arctic Monkeys

The Five Best Christmas Songs (Fo’ Real)

Christmas. A time of year wherein 90% of writers feel a very real need, deep within their bones to sum up, categorize and create lists. Lists. Lists as far as the eye can see. Best albums of the year, best video games of the year, best Christmas turkey recipes, best ways to bury five bodies in the snow using only a trowel and so on.

I’m no different. I lack imagination and originality just as much as the next shit writer and so I present to you a list of the five best alternative Christmas songs (yes, really). In no particular order, hold on to your socks so I don’t knock ’em off.

Blink 182 – I Won’t Be Home For Christmas

What kind of list doesn’t have Blink-182 on it? Quite a few actually, but this one does. Released when the trio were pretty much around the top of their game and hailed as pop punk kings of the catchy hook and the saucy lyric.

Of course, this Crimbo ditty doesn’t disappoint as Mark Hoppus weaves us a Christmas tale of bitterness, assault and police brutality, all culminating in what I can only describe as a festive jail rape. Hot damn indeed.

Fall Out Boy – Yule Shoot Your Eye Out

Not exactly a tune that will fill you full of festive cheer, but it’s a classic FOB song full of the whole angsty, teen “mom and dad just don’t understand me and my fringe” kind of lyrics that we’ve all come to know and love.

Arctic Monkeys – Matt Helder’s Sings Last Christmas

What on Earth do you mean this isn’t a proper Christmas song? It’s Matt Helders… singing Last Christmas… quite possibly very pissed. If that doesn’t sum up the meaning of Christmas I don’t know what does.

Julian Casablancas – I Wish it Was Christmas Today

The Strokes frontman delivers a delightfully cheesy slice of festive electronica that thunders along. You’ll want to wrap your presents and then take some recreational drugs (probably).

On top of that it’s really catchy and only sounds like Dancing With Myself a little bit.

Snoop Dogg – Santa Claus Goes Straight to the Ghetto

I don’t really need to justify this one. Speaks for itself, surely?

That’s all. Go away.

Arctic Monkeys Track Reviews – 2013/Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High?

Confession time; After the less than stellar Do I Wanna Know B Side 2013 stumbled out last week, I’ve been worried about The Arctic Monkey’s fifth outing.


While one might usually argue that you can’t judge a band by their B sides, the Arctics have till now consistently ensured that theirs have been nothing short of genius on par with any of their album tracks or singles.

2013 has shown me that the Sheffield lads do indeed have chinks in their armour. (If you argue that Humbug was a chink in the armour you can fuck off right now, but that ain’t the point).

2013 is musically dull and shockingly inadequate lyrically. While not a bad song by any stretch, it is easily the worst Arctic Monkey’s song I have ever heard.

Thankfully then, the brilliantly titled Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High has (for now at least) put to rest any worries that AM might be a bit shit. It’s nothing short of a funky, infectious tune that is a joy to keep on repeat for criminal amounts of time.

The Turner wit that was absent for 2013 seems to have returned in force, along with the bands’ ear for a hook. If the rest of the album can keep up the standard set by this and Do I Wanna Know, I’ll sleep easier.