Four Directors Who Could Pull Off a Metroid Movie

Ever since the tragic yet painfully inevitable news that Nintendo shut down the Kickstarter campaign funding a Metroid Fan Film, I’ve been dreaming dreams of a world where Nintendo weren’t burned by that god awful Mario film. I dream of a world where Nintendo trust studios with their franchises, and great films are made.

Lets be honest, of all of Nintendo’s properties, the Metroid series would translate best to the big screen. An ass kicking female heroine who hunts down aliens on hostile and barren planets in an awesome Iron Manesque suit of armour? Pitch that to any studio and they’d drop to their knees to administer fillacio to you so quickly they’d probably fall through the floor.

So here are five directors I really think could take Metroid and absolutely nail it. If you disagree, let me know. You’re probably right. Just remember, at the end of the day they can never make a film as bad as Mario Bros. 

Ridley Scott

Let’s get the most glaringly in your face dance around with it’s trousers down with OBVIOUS written across both cheeks choice out of the way, shall we? Metroid when it boils down to it is about one single bad ass lady who is being stalked by terrifying aliens. I’m not sure, but I think Ridley Scott has done something like that at some point in his career.

All we need to do is swap the dark spaceship for a dark alien planet and give John Hurt a call to see if he’s up for having a Metroid hatchling burst out of his chest.

Joss Whedon

In my opinion, Whedon is the undisputed king of creating awesome female role models. Buffy the Vampire Slayer alone was full of them and was by no means limited to the starring character. Spin off Angel was full of them and The Avengers had Black Widow beating down alien heinie with the best of the blokes.

If anyone could deliver a character driven Metroid and ensure that Samus Aran was more than just a vacuous babe in a tank for the lads to drool over, it’s Whedon. My only concern would be that Aran’s trademark stoic nature would limit Whedon’s natural talent for zingy dialogue.

JJ Abrams

Considering this is the man who made Star Trek (really, really) cool and is undertaking the momentous task of making Star Wars good again, JJ Abrams knows how to make a pretty bloody good sci fi movie. Let’s face it; if he can make us all forget The Phantom Menace, he could absolutely crush it if Ninty gave him the chance.

Stanley Kubrick

Forgive me if I seem presumptuous, but I think every Metroid fan can agree that the absolute distinguishing characteristic of (most) games in the series is isolation. it’s that feeling that made Super Metroid so incredibly immersive and Prime so tense.

At it’s heart I do think Metroid would be best suited as a thoughtful, psychological horror first and an action film second. The man responsible for One Flew Over.. and The Shining could get it so right. Seriously, just imagine for a second The Shining, in space, with Metroids, and no Jack Nicholson.

Okay so that doesn’t really paint the picture I’m trying to convey. If any director could give us a film that gives fans the feeling they get when they’re actually playing Metroid, it’s Stanley Kubrick.

Who knows? Years from now we could all be attending the premiere of Metroid 4 and the franchise could become the most revered sci fi movie property of all time. Probably not though.

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